1. Mystery Man
Stares at you from afar, but never actually makes a move–Ain’t nobody got time for that.
2. Bottle Service Guy
This guy thinks just because he has bottle service he deserves any girl in the club, WRONG. (Note to you fellas: we love using you for your bottle service, but that’s about it. Thanks for the free booze!)
3. Jack Dawson types
This guy is all like “I only have 10 cents to my name, but please go home with me.” or even worse he’ll say something like, “I don’t buy drinks for random girls.” (Yes, I have had that one said to me before)
You know how J.LO says, “my love don’t cost a thing”? Well if you want this love, you’re going to have to at least shell out $6 for a beer.
4. Line Guys
Now these are the guys waiting outside the bar/club online and need a bunch of girls to get in. Naturally you don’t want to wait online either so you walk over.
This is always awesome as a way to avoid lines; however, now these guys actually try to hit on you, and follow you around the bar for the rest of the night and you’re forced to pull out your best Houdini.
5. Stage 5s
#4 leads me to #5
The guys who just really don’t seem to get it. You may flirt a little (all for a free drink of course) but then once you have your drink you say “I should really find my friends,” or “I have to go to the bathroom” and instead of the guy getting the hint he chooses to ACTUALLY follow you to your friends, or hang by the bathroom like some overbearing parent. This guy always loses.
6. Mr. NYC
There’s a Sex and the City episode about this, nonetheless Mr. NYC cannot be ignored.
He may go up to you right away, he may be hanging by the bar, or he may be brooding with his friends in a corner.
Either way this guy claims NYC is the greatest city ever, laughs at you if you say you grew up anywhere else, and claims you will never “really” be from NY—this guy is a loser, walk away, or run away—fast.
7. The Foreigner
He’s probably the most attractive guy in the bar, his pants may be a little tight so you naturally think he’s gay.
But then he approaches you, and there it is, some European accent. It’s loud so you legitimately cannot understand one thing he says.
You have two options: 1 walk away, or 2 makeout with the foreigner because what the hell it’s a Wednesday night baby and you’re alive.
8. The Wingman
You’re always stoked when you’re out on a girls night, but sometimes that means your friend will be talking to a guy she’s interested in while you’re stuck talking to the wingman, ya know the uglier friend. These guys are miserable because they think that if their friend is talking to your friends they deserve to be talking to you. Usually walking away mid-convo is perfectly fine.
9. The promoter
This is the greasy looking character standing outside the barwho approaches you and your friends. He convinces you to use his name to get in. It usually works but under no circumstances should you ever give these guys your number, because then you’ll end up in a text conversation that has a whole lot of white bubbles without any blue, comprende?
10. Ryan Gosling
Worse than the mystery man, because he doesn’t exist.
He’s the guy you hope to meet, ya know your future husband, your ultimate guy, the one who possess all the qualities you’re looking for. Unfortunately when you go looking for your Ryan Gosling is when he’ll never show up.
So beware of these men ladies, and men don’t be one of these guys. Within one weekend of going out I’m sure you’ll encounter nearly all of these character types.
I’d love to hear your personal stories, or guys you think I missed.